Living At Peace With Others

By Rusty Sieck, Executive Pastor of Ministries

 

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. – Romans 12:18

 

When I read this scripture, I sometimes want to take the conditional statement “If it is possible” and just punt, stop right there. I want to justify in my mind that it is not possible; there are many people that it seems an impossibility to live at peace in this world.   You would probably agree there are some difficult, stubborn people out there, and unfortunately, we are one of them. But the author of this scripture, Paul, had to continue with a line that truly stops all justification when he says, “as far as it depends on you.”  Living a lifestyle of peace with everyone means that I will not let the other party pull me into the fray, into the trap of hostility. This doesn’t mean we won’t have feelings of frustration, anger, and so much more. What it does mean is I will choose to be a mature person. I will choose to rise above the circumstances I find myself in and live at peace with everyone as much as it is possible with me,  knowing that my peace is not dependent upon the other person reciprocating that peace. It is all up to me. I can choose to stoop to their level or rise above it. I can decide to act in such a way that I do not exasperate the situation. This doesn’t mean we don’t stand for what we believe or fight for what is right, but it does mean we do from a position of peace. We need to learn to let truth stand on its own and realize that the person we are talking to may not be ready for that truth. 

 

I know this is harder to do than it is to say. So here are some helpful tools to help you live a lifestyle of peace. 

 

Acknowledge that you get frustrated. Be honest with yourself and prepare yourself in advance when you know you will be in a situation or meeting with someone that you tend to get upset, frustrated, or baited into saying things you regret.  

 

Rehearse how you will respond. I know this might sound crazy but difficult people tend to act difficult and respond consistently. Take the time before you meet to rehearse how the conversation will go. Pray and ask God to give you peace and strength to respond in peace. Make a commitment to yourself to act in such a way that you will not be lured or enticed to escalate the situation. Instead, as far as it depends on you, keep it about the issue, don’t make it about the person. Stand firm on truth and keep emotions to a minimum and always, I mean always return to the facts, not feelings, or how the conversation is going. 

 

Debrief with someone your trust. It is important to have a trusted person to debrief with about your day. If it is all possible, don’t make this person someone at your workplace. Get someone who can be an objective sounding board and that you trust. Don’t make it a gripe session. Make it a productive evaluation of the situation you are trying to address. Yes, there will be some conversation about your feelings but focus on the problem and how to resolve it, not just your feelings about the problem. Ask hard questions, like could I have handled this conversation or situation better, am I a part of the problem, what are my next steps, how can I turn this into a peaceful resolution.  

 

To live at peace with people around us is not always easy, but it is possible if we trust God will give us the ability to show His mercy and peace in all situations.  

 

In the Grip of His Grace,

 

Dr. Rusty Sieck