By Mike Harvey, Kids Pastor
It has happened to all of us. You were teaching someone (or being taught) to ride a bike. You’ve gone over the structural mechanics of handlebars, pedals, and brakes. You let them sit back and watch you try, making it look as easy as, well, riding a bike. They take their seat; feet to the pedals, hands to the handlebars. And with your hand firmly placed on the back of the seat, providing extra balance and stability, you begin countless runs up and down the driveway.
And then it happens.
This next time down the driveway is different. Because this time you let go of the bike. You don’t leave their side; you’re still shouting encouragement and support. You’re even there to stop them from crashing into a rogue tree or careening into the middle of the street. But you have let go, allowing them to steer, to balance, to brake.
Many preteens across the country are still waiting for this moment. Not with their bike, but with their faith and with their life. They are waiting for their pastors, teachers, and parents to understand that if their faith were a bike, they are ready for that moment when we first let go.
From the moment we carry them into the nursery, we firmly hold the back of their bike, telling them stories about God and God’s people, about the life of Jesus, and more. As they move into their first years of elementary school, we continue to build on these stories and ideas – that Jesus loves you, that God created everything, that they can be a follower of Jesus today. They have sung songs, prayed prayers, read stories, and more. All with the firm – and necessary – hand holding the bike seat of their faith.
But as they enter their preteen years – these years of pre and early adolescence for nine, ten, eleven, and twelve-year-olds – something unique begins to happen. In some ways, they continue to see the world as a kid, but in others, they are emerging toward life as a teenager. (We could call them “post-kids” but “preteens” sound much better.) They’re leaving one and heading toward the other.
Whatever you call it, it’s happening. Kids become teenagers, but between the two is this unique age called “preteen.” And it is at this time that parents must let go of the bike, allowing them to continue owning their faith.
This doesn’t mean we let them ride across town on their own. It doesn’t mean we send them on their way, expecting them to learn it all as they go. We remain right beside them, running alongside as they pedal and wobble their way forward. Parents are constantly supporting and encouraging and helping direct the bicycle of their faith and life. Because one day, they will ride across town on their own. And when that day comes – it comes closer every day – we want them to be successful. One day they will teach others how to ride this “bike,” and we want them to be equipped and prepared.
Imagine a sixteen-year-old riding her bike; only no one ever let go. Imagine a freshman in college who can’t keep his own balance and remains utterly dependent on someone else. Imagine a newlywed still unsure of their role and function in life. Imagine the parent trying to teach their son or daughter to ride a bike while they haven’t taken the training wheels off of their own.
TIPS ON HOW TO LET GO OF THE BIKE
- 1. Give choices – Give them opportunities to make choices.
- 2. Ask questions – Asking questions helps see their thinking and allows them to vocalize what is going on in their heads.
- 3. Listen to their questions - Provide a safe place for questions and invite them in. It also gives them a chance to own their answers for themselves.
- 4. Make space for mistakes and unexpected happenings – Understand that they will make mistakes, and we have to make room for that. We have to bring correction through love just like Jesus did.
- 5. Be prepared to confront doubt and misconceptions - Doubt is not the opposite of faith; it’s the environment for faith (Hebrews 11:1). Teach them that it is not true, just because you say so. Point them to scripture (TRUTH).
Let go of the bike. Because when you do, you empower your preteens to grow and develop, to learn and to question, and to discover who God has made them to be. But you have to let go.
